I am sitting alone on a cruise ship chair in front of vast panoramic windows off the Iberian Coast of Spain. The ancient gothic city of Barcelona is now at my back and just a memory. The sun is setting over the horizon in a glorious shade of incandescent orange, as the song in the background is playing the Bee Gees, ” We Don’t Say Goodbye.”
A world away from family and friends, I am sharing a cabin with a female roommate I barely know. I have new clothes, euros in my pocket, wonderful food and magnificent scenery and a glass of properly chilled white wine. Although I am among 600 strangers, I feel the need to smile despite the fact that the song makes me relive so many lost loves, betrayal, abandonment, and final goodbyes. Deceit, darkness, divorce, and death have invaded the four chambers of my heart, leaving me to drown in a sea of sadness. Then I think, I better get a grip because I realize my mood is quickly shifting from pleasant to maudlin when suddenly a sense of relief comes over me as the song ends. Thank God for the next song.
“I Found Someone.” Which apparently refers to the 250 couples on the boat. The previous night’s “single meet and greet” consisted of the flamboyant cruise director and my roommate, and me. “Oh, the possibilities,” I say to myself with feigned optimism! The only thing more promising would be a gaggle of monks.
So as the ship heads towards the sun, I sip my wine and wait for my new companion to go to dinner. I watch the vacationing couples stroll hand in hand, engrossed in subdued conversation, smiling, laughing, and simply being partnered. At this point, I am feeling lonely and somewhat ostracized, kind of like a leper that lost her colony. My discontent ebbed and flowed, as did the ocean. Suddenly like an anchor rising from the sea, my mood elevated, and I brought myself back to reality and ditched my grandiose distorted thinking and self-pity.
The world is not unencumbered by problems, nor are the couples on this vessel. I begin to wonder, who else may be holding back tears as the sunset darkens the sky? Who among this group may be on their last trip due to declining health? Is there someone who took a chance and skipped their chemo treatment to try to enjoy their long-planned trip? Or the woman being pushed in the wheelchair with vacant eyes who doesn’t know where she is going and won’t remember where she has been. What is she experiencing, or even worse, what is this trip like for her caretaker spouse? Who knows they are ill but wait to tell their significant other until the trip is over? Has someone discovered their spouse’s infidelity just weeks before the voyage? And who among the smiling faces, recently lost a parent, a sibling, or even worse a child? Those issues, are in reality, just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.
Gradually I feel foolish, and a sense of relief and gratefulness comes over me. I realize I have no promised tomorrows, and the days ahead are shorter than those behind. I best start enjoying the right now because that is all I have with any certainty. I raise my glass to my approaching dinner companion and toast to myself, “Wow, am I glad I’m me!”
Aaahhh…the infamous cruise. I love the graphics, by the way!
So true, we never know what others are going through. I love your word choice and the pictures they create in my mind.
I want more! Your story telling pulls me in!
More please.
Beautifully written reminder to be grateful.
This is a nice reflection of how we often think others may be having the “time of their life,” when in reality each may be carrying an invisible burden. It makes me remember what a priest told the writer, Andre Malraux (alluded to in his book Anti-Memoirs). He asked the long-serving priest what he had learned in hearing confessions for decades. The priest said there is no such thing as a grown-up, and people are never as happy as they try to appear. We each have today. Nothing else is guaranteed. Celebrate the breath you are taking right this moment.
Thank you Michaelfor all your help along the way!
Having taken a number of cruises on my own I have watched couples and older women who are probably widows on the same voyage but, certainly, our journeys have all been different. Notwithstanding some awkwardness or occasional discomfort at traveling solo I as well arrive at being pleased to be myself at that point in time. Facing the reality that more years are behind than in front focuses the mind and creates the imperative to savor every moment of a unique or memorable experience. And to indeed value the gift of life.
So true, thank you for reading my work.
We certainly all have our own baggage on this journey called life. Just love all of your descriptions. So glad we are on this journey together. Keep writing, my friend!
Yup! You nailed it! There’s always someone worse off. Attitude is everything! Happiness comes from our Joy not circumstances. This story is a reminder that we need to dig deep and stay in the NOW of time. Thanks for another great chapter! Can’t wait for the book! ??